i gave her a head start towards forever. i really hope she made the best of every second. i've got words locked and loaded but stored safely behind a forced smile. last night put it all into perspective. it was sort of expected. the kids used to being rejected. i piled "i love you"s into a soapbox so i could feel like i was standing on something that still mattered to anyone these days. it's cold now, another season that will always remind me of you. maybe we shouldn't have made it through all four. or maybe we need to be "us" again for four more. arms around shoulders. rings around fingers. everything about as perfect as a fuck up like me is allowed.