It's been a black (lie) affair with us since day one. You are every arrogant stare and I am just the hopeless optimist(stay with me here) It's hard to believe that i'll finally be bumping heads with the left coast. making dreams a reality and finally being able to commit this all to memory. All of the late night laughter in the world couldn't bring me back to that summer breeze state of mind. Lose control to the sound of a voice. Drop your guts to the sight of a face. Make this all drown out to the thud of a heart beat. Forget every fictitious smile because fake never really looked good on you. Promises were meant to be broken. I've been losing my nerve in one hour increments. I'm ready for an eastern timezone wake up call.

today is the day that everything finally made sense. the loud buzz of the world around me suddenly became a low hum. i looked everywhere and loved what i saw. not only did life feel okay, but i felt okay inside of my own body. right now is perfect. right now is beautiful. life is really just one long lucid dream. i was just too preoccupied to notice. im turning it all around starting right now.

i don't know what your deal is, but i'm done. i don't have time for this. don't ever say you are my best friend again because that's not the case at all. not even close. i wish i had listened to everyone. oh well. lesson learned.

just leave me alone like you did that night.
there are words that aren't being spoken.
don't forget that i'm still stuck in a self absorbed state of mind.
it's not that i think i'm crazy.
but i'm beginning to see a pattern.
it could have been a face breaking friday
it could have been the last time i didn't care.
you were always my best excuse for feeling okay again.

be patient.

behave.

I was constructed for you and you were molded for me

I feel like im being fucked with, but I really hope i'm not.


I don't deserve it.

And you know that.