drunk ramblings or truth scrambling?
ignore the slurs
listen to my heart
(you're perfect to me)

countdown to the breakdown.
love more.
hate less.
i'd kiss you again if i had the chance.
you were my best, just not my last.

i could end this but it would feel more like a (death) sentence. twenty-six years and i still feel so worthless. add one and i assume i should be done. add another four and i feel i deserve a few more. loose lips. sunken (friend)ships. case closed until found guilty beyond an (un)reasonable doubt. connect the dots to feel okay. close the book cause you feel left out.

this is done.

not sharing the new address.

but if you're smart you may find it.

im not lucky, perfect or any of that jazz.
i try but not my hardest because this doesn't define me.
life is upon lives.
sleeping before weeping.
no one matters as much as you.
don't cry.
just sleep.
you're everything to someone.
you're nothing to me.

I never bought you flowers maybe that's where I went wrong. I didn't dance with you in my parents front yard as if I didn't hear a song. I didn't think before I spoke, and I went to sleep upset. I took for granted all those times I had you safe inside my bed. Maybe it's not my fault. Sometimes things just go this way. I spent a lifetime trying to find you, and a few months to scare you away.

a few photos and an old mixed cd brought you back to life for a about an hour today.


some days its so fucking hard.


i think im going to go for a walk.