im drowning my thoughts in this swimming head. a week away from insanity, but it doesn't mean a thing. i thought i lost everything i cared about, but that's a lie. all i lost was a reason to feel sorry for myself and my "pathetic" little life. take two more pills and chase them with two more drinks. maybe you'll make it to bed this time and actually sleep. the past six days have been hell ibut you wouldn't know that) i didn't just stumble or trip, i just fell. (but you wouldn't know that) i'm miserable, but only if you look at it one way. i asked you not to be selfish, but you couldn't hear me over your arrogance. work the room, get your fill. but you're still as empty as my bed sheets. (and just as cold) lie awake tonight and stare at the ceiling with me. melt into the mattress and toss and turn until daylight. sometimes i feel safe then. sometimes, im scared to even approach the world again. "give me twenty four hours and i swear i'll muster up the courage" i'll break away from this monotony and make a name for myself like i always said i would. second chances are just for masochists who like to be broken down more than once. i do it to myself because i'm a glutton for attention, good or bad. turn your flash bulbs in my direction and blind me all the way until next year. carpets, towns and my eyes all share the same color. i lost track of the days, and i think i'm okay with that. this could be the last time i ever tell you how i really feel, so make a mental note because you'll want to remember me like this. nervous. unsure. tired. keep me as close as you can tonight because i'm just counting down the breaths at this point. three, two, one. done.