I refer to these nights in my life as "catching the red eye".
Numbing myself in 4/4 time.
Have you ever disappeared into a song?
I'm dying to(o).

Sometimes it feels like you aren't the same person. Maybe my intuition is right, and I should just shrug it off and accept it for what it is. You have very little compassion these days and I really think its because you either can't or won't see past your own problems to give a fuck about anyone else's. Problems are problems, and everyone lives a different life so I won't say that anyone has it worse than anyone else. Well, to an extent, obviously there are exceptions to this idea. But it always comes back to you. (it's a familiar attitude, but I won't go into that) Your life isn't horrible by any means. Let's trade places for a week and see which you prefer. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you've grown pretty selfish and if you choose to not want to be there to listen every once in a while, I'll stop talking all together. Problem solved.


I'm (not) sorry if I stop caring too.

these sunsets tear a hole in me somedays. i've been spending too much time looking for a cure for this west coast loneliness. im really only living in hour long increments because i'm tired of getting ahead of myself. cool calm and collected over hot wild and rejected. it feels like everything is constantly up in the air for me and im fused to the ground until october. everything is moving slow like a shitty music video. dramatic pauses and such. i traded the southern heat for a happiness that i don't even understand yet. the phone rings less and less, and i can't really say im surprised. it's really just a lot of controlled chaos. you can't see from where you are standing. i fake smiles but i don't fake feelings.


i miss that year the way i miss high school. it's not that i want to go back, but i'd change it all if i could.


smile.click.flash.repeat.

this is what it looks like when i (finally) step away from you.
trading your gorgeous greens for the deepest of blues.
fast forward to now because i'm tired of living in the past.
i've learned i can usually stay five steps ahead of you on a good day.
when i stumble it's usually on purpose.
i'll pretend you know what i mean.
if you need me i'll be waiting out the storm.
it should be easy to forget.
(chloroform is the new kiss goodbye)


dontreadtoomuchintothisonesweetheart.

cutting all ties in 4/4 time.
hanging on to last weeks eyes because i didn't feel so tired.
screaming to the sky until this w(b)est coast would listen.


setphaserstostun.

I stopped on my way home from work to buy her ice cream and the latest issue of Cosmo. I always found it hard to cheer her up when she was in these moods, but chocolate ice cream with peanut butter seemed to keep her mind off of whatever was bothering her. she never asked me to, so i didn't mind that it was never acknowledged. i knew it meant something to her so i didn't really care. sometimes being woken up by a 3am kiss would be her little way of telling me thank you. well, i would assume so because the carton would be in the trash the next morning and the magazine laid open across her chest as she slept. she looked beautiful to me in the morning. sound asleep with her mouth slightly open and her pillow folded in half under her head. i'd always find myself walking through our room while i got ready for work. sometimes to snap a mental picture, but mostly to make sure she was still there. i don't know why i was always scared she wouldn't be, but i guess it's because she made life feel like a dream. and i didn't want to wake up. i'd move the magazine and kiss her forehead on my way out. she would change positions and smile between mumbled sleep gibberish while she pulled the blankets tight towards her chest. i never knew what made her feel that way some nights, but at least i know what made her feel this way the next morning.