Welcome me back with open arms.
Hate every word i write because it’s doesn’t make sense.
Always remember that backs are for stabbing and hands are for grabbing.
Think about it all, but don’t read too deep.
Sing me something beautiful in the key of “i love you”
Write the wrong words and call yourself a well-wisher.
Regret mistakes just to make them again tomorrow.
I never said i was worth the air i breathe.
Tomorrow could be a clean slate, but i write with magic markers.
Every action has an equal and opposite distraction.
I’m sorry but i’m slowly falling apart.
So please excuse the mess.
We all break the rules sometimes.
Rescue yourself before you save another.
Out with the old, in with the (k)new.
Never give up because hope is all we have anymore.
Give me a chance and i swear i’ll prove i’m worth it.

the same hands we place over our hearts are sliding across hips. words mixed with feelings, laced with alcohol, spoken soft enough so only you and i can hear them. i said i would never bend over backwards for anyone, but for you i swear i’d crack my spine. life in a wheelchair would be worth every second if i could see the corners of your lips sitting high every day. people say they understand beauty, but they are lying if they have never seen your face. they can say they know perfection but they have never layed with you and taken breaths to the rhythm of your beating heart. to be honest, nothing else matters as long as i have you with me.

today i woke up and actually thought everything was going to be okay. searching for words that i had in their right place before, but today they seem to be scattered. maybe it’s a hint for me to change their order. maybe i can spell out something beautiful this time. winter’s not quite over, but i find myself longing for the summer heat.i miss nights with the cool breeze on my face, and the bright parking lot lights. where we said we were going to leave an hour ago, but got lost in conversation. honestly, i wouldn’t trade those nights for the world. they remind me that sometimes i’m so fucking on. every day doesn’t have to be a sick day. every negative thought doesn’t have to be the end of the world. i don’t want to go about this on my own. it’s not that i need you to hold me up, i just like knowing that if i fall back a little, you’ll be there to help catch me.

this one is just to get your attention for a few minutes.
i want my face in your mind and my name on your lips again.
it always sounded better coming from your mouth anyway.
my bed has been empty but somehow im keeping warm.
i miss the backwards way we did things.
i want you holding me again so i can get a good nights sleep for once.
drinks and pills leave me groggy and disoriented in the morning.
it never was over sweetheart.
you never really left.
lets stop this all now before i forget that feeling.
hold my face while you kiss me goodnight.
make me shake and feel safe between whispers.

faces all look the same to me these days. nothing feels new or original. i used to joke about losing my mind, but lately it feels like i just may be. to be honest, it doesn't even bother me that much. life is so fake to me sometimes, i think it may be a breath of fresh air to just live in my own world for a while. im tired of not sleeping but saying that I am. im tired of pills. the laughs, the smiles, the attitude, it's all a facade. im waiting for doctor visits and test results that i don't even want to know. i have been lying to everyone so much lately that im starting to forget what the truth is. what would it take to just disappear for a while?

i think it's time to work up the courage and take a chance on something real. we're all scared so lets be scared together. we can face these demons head on because there's strength in numbers. this distance distracts me sometimes but my head can ignore the buzz of this reality. sink as deep into me as possible and lets keep each other warm tonight. this winter is so cold it burns.

i want to make you as lonely as me

maybe I'm just stupid, but in a way this makes sense to me. i keep something of yours really close every day just so i never forget. I'd say I'm sorry a million times but it wouldn't really matter. i go back and read sometimes but it's like they aren't even my words because i can't really relate to those feelings anymore. call me crazy because I probably am. call me pathetic because that's really the best way to describe it. I've written a thousand letters just to file them away under "you don't stand a chance".