you get me, and there are very few people that really do. i love it and i love you even more. you mean the world to me, and i really don't think i could ever explain it. I am intrigued by you and how you make me feel. it's rare that you meet someone so beautiful and genuine at the same time. basically, i'm lucky that i can even say that we are friends and that you chose to be a part of my life as long as you have.thank you for caring. and thank you for being you.

i forgot how i'm supposed to feel, and my friends advice has been falling on deaf ears. maybe i should give it all up and finally move somewhere new. i want to be alone, but thats when i think about you the most. you probably don't care, and i probably shouldn't. i just hate to think that our pictures may be all that's left of us. i still think you're beautiful like a skyline at midnight. i hope your friends know how lucky they are to have you in their lives. this is what regret feels like, and i hate it.

it's all the same thing day after day now. nothing changes no matter how hard i want it to. some days i just want to say fuck it and blow my cover. that way you can see everything thats going on behind the curtain. no more smoke. no more mirrors. just me and every little insecurity i have on display. it's funny how cutting ties and cutting throats probably feel the same when it's all said and done. both just leave you feeling alone.

im tired of being alone.

i miss the way your hand fit so perfectly in mine.

it's all the same.
new year.
new fear.
new love.
new tear.
no one cares anymore.
nothing matters.
i live for me.
i (act like i dont) live for you.
i miss you.
i love you.
no one will ever be in your place again.
just you.

i should be asleep but i was feeling like shit earlier so i slept all day.

ugh.


i love how people act so different when their emotions are running things, and not their head. it happens to us all, and i totally get it. but it really is the worst thing you can let happen. the sad thing is there are at least 5 people that read this blog that probably think this post is specifically about them, and i promise you it's not. this is just me seeing the trend and trying to figure it all out i guess.


you can hate me, not want to be my friend, think im an asshole, be jealous of me, be jealous of my friendships, regret missing out on what we had, wish you talked to me more, wish i cared about you more, wish you had told me how much you cared about me all you want. whatever it is that you feel about me, it's fine. but i'm not sorry because i've done what i can with each situation, so the rest is up to you. im tired of being made to feel like shit because i don't deserve to.


i guess this is my way of letting everyone know that they can fuck off for all I care. i try to keep the super personal stuff off of here but goddamnit its hard sometimes, especially when some of you are following me on here.


i know this is TL;DR but whatever. i may even decide that i'm letting my emotions take over and delete it in the morning but whatever.

i may be wasting words when i write, but i try and convince myself that they matter (at least a little anyway) i feel like my mouth is on a ten second delay because my brain is scared of what i might say. my mouth is constantly writing checks that my heart ca(wo)n't cash. maybe i should just keep quiet all together. i thought about calling you today just to say hi and see how you were doing. instead my phone stopped working. ill take that as a sign.

Welcome me back with open arms.
Hate every word i write because it’s doesn’t make sense.
Always remember that backs are for stabbing and hands are for grabbing.
Think about it all, but don’t read too deep.
Sing me something beautiful in the key of “i love you”
Write the wrong words and call yourself a well-wisher.
Regret mistakes just to make them again tomorrow.
I never said i was worth the air i breathe.
Tomorrow could be a clean slate, but i write with magic markers.
Every action has an equal and opposite distraction.
I’m sorry but i’m slowly falling apart.
So please excuse the mess.
We all break the rules sometimes.
Rescue yourself before you save another.
Out with the old, in with the (k)new.
Never give up because hope is all we have anymore.
Give me a chance and i swear i’ll prove i’m worth it.