please put the doctor on the phone cause im not making any sense...

i was designed for these types of situations, so i really shouldnt be suprised. i just hate this feeling. i hate having to resort back to a little white pill to feel normal. recommended dosage: one a day for temporary escape from life. 20 to make it permanent. i think ill stick with just one. it gets better. i know it does. its just hard making it from here to there.  its not even about what happened anymore, its about feeling miserable and not having any way to fix it. its about being all alone in this empty apartment. its about having felt this way before and knowing how hard it is to make it until i start feeling normal again. but atleast i know that i'll make it.

keep smiling, kid

my eyes are locked on your truest blues

this is you and me

and this is me and you

for the most part, it's all just a blur of bed sheets, smeared make up and sweat. and i'll keep replaying it over and over in my mind. i don't want to forget the night that finally made me feel alive again. ill keep time to the rise and fall of your chest. i'll freeze frame moments and lock them in my memory because i don't think i've ever seen someone look so beautiful when they slept. promise to keep me guessing, i'll promise to keep you on your toes. 

i rushed over as soon as i could. i wanted you to be the first person to set eyes on the first genuine smile of 2009. you made me do it, so you deserve all of the credit. i may have finally found the reset button this time. so lets go run through yards and look up at the stars. tell me every last one of your dreams and i'll put the words to a soft melody. it feels like the rest of the world is away on vacation tonight. just you and me and the city is our backdrop. hold my hand like you're scared i'll let go. i'll kiss your face and prove that i'm gonna stick around for a while. 

you helped breathe new life into a stagnant existance. you put smiles on a face that was built without emotion. you bright as light eyes are what's keeping my heart racing at night. too much for a guy that always wins at losing. stealing hearts and stealing glances. 

you are why i burst. 

you are why i bloom. 

my lips, can barely stutter these words. 

im staring out at the end of my crushed little world.

and to think, this is all your fault. 

a million scenerios have played through my head

i feel like grabbing the phone but grab my pencil instead

i could write myself a million miles away

a million reasons to leave, but you're the reason i'd stay

my heart, is beating out of my chest

i'm swallowing pills just to try and get rest

and i know, this is all my fault

a third coast boy with a some west coast dreams

not even as happy as im making it seem

it's all a facade, infact im really a mess

i'd ask for you back if i thought you'd say yes

im stuck. i'm at an all time low. 

if you'll just leave me alone i'll pack my things up and go. 

i can start a new life and it wont involve you

i know it sounds crazy, but what else can i do?

i'm stuck. i think im losing my mind

when i hear "hands down" i think of you every time

now things have changed and im letting you go

but before i leave i just want you to know

that im stuck. 

i plan on using tonight to hang from the night sky and pretend im completely okay with all of this. im inconsistent and have been falling face first since day one. as for right now, i've got my heart locked and (i plan on getting) loaded. less moving lips and more shaking hips. maybe they can talk me down from my high horse because apparently i've lost touch with reality. most of what you know about me is a facade. (smoke and mirrors and such.) sometimes i want sleep, but lately my dreams haven't even been a pleasant escape. every day i want to change but every day i'm still the same. i'm just a plane ticket away from bumping heads with the west coast. maybe then i'll finally come out of my shell and turn 20mg smiles into real ones.

i want to make the left side my strong side.