i've been making it a goal to change my outlook on my life and everything around me. i have a lot of negativity that doesn't even need to be there. it's a waste of time and energy. for some reason, i feel like it's what i need to function sometimes. as i have been going through all of my journal entries and poetry, i'm seeing that the common connection between a majority of it is anger, or sadness and pain. I used to joke about how i needed my heart broken so i can write something worth reading, but really that doesn't seem to far fetched. don't get me wrong, i have written my fair share of lovey-dovey melt as you read it stuff, but it's either that or heartbreak. i want to find motivation to write in other areas. it's taken me a while, but i'm finally starting to look at thing in a different light. I'm finding out that there really is beauty everywhere around you. it's just up to you to want to see it or not. i've never really been one to have enemies. i can and usually do get a long with most people i meet. in highschool i was friends with people in every "clique" because i didn't really see any reason to put yourself into one group just because you have a few obvious things in common. you have have something in common with almost everyone you meet, you just may not know it. anyway, like i said, i don't have many enemies in my life, i'm not usually one to burn bridges and write people off because i wouldn't want someone to do that to me. if we were friends at one point, we can be friends again. So, i want to start taking the time to get in touch with old friends, people i may have had a small falling out with and make amends. life really is too short for all of that b.s.

i don't know why i'm writing all this. i honestly don't know if anyone even checks this out but since it WAS my secret get stuff off my chest without pissing anyone off of being judged about it blog, i guess it really doesn't matter. but if you DO read this, just know that i love you in some way. and you have probably made some kind of impact on my life, be it big or small. so, thank you for that. and i hope i have had some kind of impact on yours as well.