remember, regret, repeat

i haven't forgotten every night spent with you. fingers intertwined, talking about the future and making promises that may or may not be kept. when its all said and done we all become lonely hearts one day. you can lie to yourself and fake every emotion because you want to look better in person than you do on paper. go from lifeless to even lower at the drop of a name. i call myself the good guy, but i'm really no different than anyone else. i know the right times to smile and the right words to say to make you follow the storyline. i hold back so many words just to save face, but i dont even feel like i know this face anymore, so why do i even bother? these are just words, so don't take it all too seriously. feel free to rearrange them and put together whatever it is you wish i was saying. i'd say we've been close, but that only really counts in horseshoes and with hand grenades. last night i made a list of everything i liked about myself, but all i could write was your name.

secret thoughts and hidden meanings seem to be all i can pull out of my brain these days. i forgot what it feels like to get a good nights sleep, and the bags under my eyes are proof of that. looks like losing one thing started a trend because now i'm also losing sleep, weight and my mind. im guessing they are all in one place waiting for me to wake up from all of this. last night i sat and tried to remember as much about you as possible but i got sidetracked by the sound of this claymore in my chest that decided it would be a good time to explode. at least i was alone, so aside from collateral damage, there were no human casualties. i wish i could (write) every wrong. i wish i had the right words to say. i wish i could remember tv on dvd nights. when time moved in slow motion and the smiles were genuine. just so you know, you'll never know. (now)

i forget sometimes about the letters we wrote with moves under sheets at night. we always made sure to dot each i and cross each t. i liked being able to tell you i love you and not have to say a word. i miss July nights. back porch kisses and a bed that was never empty. when i didn't have to release my feelings with words mixed to make metaphors. i try to not take all of this too seriously. but sometimes, i have to.

you said that you couldn't wait

to get away from this place

you told me you needed change

i said it all sounds great

"i really mean it, i swear"

(third time's a charm)

all i need is a chance

i know we made it this far

from nights of simple dreams

to being all you could be

i wish on every star

(that)forever means you and me

i hate when i feel like i have run out of things to write about.
i know its just a phase, and i'll get past it, but i hate feeling like i have nothing to say.
i usually only have the motivation to write when things are going wrong for me.
i guess thats the key. 
someone needs to (re)break my heart.