my digital downfall

i wish i could remember that feeling. not the one that's like sinking, the exact opposite actually. i'd carry myself away to another life that's more to my liking. it's not a matter of being unhappy, just unfulfilled i guess. i left so little behind that it kind of makes me wonder where my head or heart has even been over the last year or so. when home doesn't feel like home it's time for a change. i found where i belong so it's really just a matter of getting my things and saying my goodbyes (again) a few people will miss me, the rest will forget until the next party when someone asks where i'm at. we all pretend to stay friends, but it's really just the digital idea of friendship. phone calls have been replaced by comments. a random visit is now a click of a mouse button to make your presence known. i guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm tired of hugs in the form of ones and zeroes.

i dont really know why this is hitting me so hard. i guess its just because i saw it all happening a different way and under different circumstances. i wish you would talk to me about things. i wish you would let me back in. i know if that were to happen it would take a while anyway, but its hard to not feel anxious. i guess all i can do is wait. i'm pretty good at that. if anyone would be able to make it through something like this, it's you. you are so strong and can handle anything. eventually you'll tell me where your mind is about all of this, and i'll be there to listen like i always have been.

if you need anything just say the word, i mean ANYTHING.


i (still) love you.