this is done.

not sharing the new address.

but if you're smart you may find it.

im not lucky, perfect or any of that jazz.
i try but not my hardest because this doesn't define me.
life is upon lives.
sleeping before weeping.
no one matters as much as you.
don't cry.
just sleep.
you're everything to someone.
you're nothing to me.

I never bought you flowers maybe that's where I went wrong. I didn't dance with you in my parents front yard as if I didn't hear a song. I didn't think before I spoke, and I went to sleep upset. I took for granted all those times I had you safe inside my bed. Maybe it's not my fault. Sometimes things just go this way. I spent a lifetime trying to find you, and a few months to scare you away.

a few photos and an old mixed cd brought you back to life for a about an hour today.


some days its so fucking hard.


i think im going to go for a walk.

i don't know why things work out the way they do sometimes. i don't know if its because things are destined to go a certain way, or if we are all just supposed to do what it takes to make things the way we want them to be. i think i like the way the second one sounds. i would fight and fight but i have a feeling that maybe it will just make things worse in the long run. im trying not to have a preconceived idea of how the future will be because all that really does is take my focus away from right now. and i'm trying not to think about what i could have done differently because there's no changing the past and thinking about it will just clutter up my mind. maybe im stupid for still caring after all of this time. i think it's time to finally let it all go. maybe things will change later on in life. maybe they won't. either way, i can't spend any more nights awake wondering what if. so for now im going to cut ties (literally and figuratively) and leave it all up to fate, or chance or whatever the case may be. if you ever need me, you know i'll always be there.

thanksforthememories.